dairy entry.

i woke up this morning belly to the mattress in my fortress of blankets.

i felt really hungry and gross, my nose still stuffy from the night before.

fuck. i had to puke.

this is bullshit, i get out of my warm bed and am oh so fucking humbly greeted

by the cold temperature of my bedroom, my bathroom floor is even colder and i

lean over the toilet and puke just in time. i was proud of myself, a second less and it would have ended up on the floor.. and we all know how FUN it is to clean up your own vomit while you feel like dying.

what a greeeatttt way to start the day. I flipped my light switch on and brushed my teeth, looking in the mirror at my red eyes and groggy expression, as i brushed i examined how drained i looked, my hair was messy from sleep and i felt so tiny.

i always feel so small and fragile when im sick. i HATE it.

im glad though after brushing my teeth twice i was ready to resume sleep.. i passed out within minutes only to be awoken by my dad a few hours later. he asked me to cancel some texting thing for him, and i dont even remember doing it but i did. He called the doctor for me, whuttuhguuuyyy!!! >

I decided a few months ago that this winter was the time to finally quit smoking ciggs. im done. so done. and its december.. its time, i have 7 butts left in my newport pack.. sucks that im sick and cant even smoke them hahaha. but as soon as i smoke the last one, im givin it another go... quitting ill be hard but not hard at the same time... im excited to do it.. i went to the salvation army with melissa and rachel and bought 5 bucks worth of good shit.

TWO RECORDS !!!!>

The trouble with sleep is....

its so hard to find sometimes.

words and memory get in the way.

i cant reach the next day.

i just lay in my bed imagining,

smiling but wishing i was dreaming.

tonight though, im SICK im coughing right now as i type, its gotten to be pretty fucking annoying, my boss said its okay if i call out, but i cant afford to call out :( i have to be awake at 10:15 and its 2:00 am :( every time ive layed down tonight i start coughing more than if i sit up. This sucks, Brian's really sick as well, we hung out today and when i arrived at his house i saw his mom with tissues stuffed up her nose, we're all beat in the todd house except for papa todd! good luck to him, he was laughing saying "im next and ill be the worst." Bri and i sat in his bed watching its always sunny and smoking bizz after bizz, its funny how you can blaze a lot when youre sick and it gets you weird stoned.. like soooo stoned. we couldnt even cuddle cause every time we tried to lay down at all we'd cough. UGH i just wanna be better and cuddlee with my handsome :(

UGhhh i really should get to sleep.. bowl and beauty and the beast here i come.

hopefullyyy ill fall asleep during the movie..